Trimming the Hedges

When I switched from day shift to night shift last June, I was eager to make a good impression on my new coworkers. I have 10 blueberry bushes in my back yard that are of varying size and productivity. One of the oldest bushes was really producing a huge amount of berries everyday, and I had brought about a quart and a half of berries to work with me that first night. I thought that I could share them with the other nurses. After a couple of hours, I filled a bowl with the fresh berries and put it out at the nurses' station.

Would anyone like some blueberries? I asked. They're from my bush.

Complete silence for about thirty seconds.

Thanks, what else have you got down there?

This story illustrates a universal truth: Labor nurses will talk about your bush. But don't think you can find out here what we think and then gussy yourself up before you go into labor to avoid being talked about. Because we don't all agree.

I think that the guiding principles of our bush styles, much like our hair (on our heads) styles might be in place before we ever really reach adulthood. I'm not saying that I still have the Farrah Fawcett wings that I had in junior high, or that my mom still has Donna Reed hair like she did in the '50s. But I do still favor straggly long hair, and she has gotten a perm every year since she was in high school.

When I was in high school, grooming the bush was taboo. It was the late seventies, early eighties. The natural look, you know -- it was the wash 'n go era. If your bathing suit didn't hide the bush, then you got a new suit. There was one girl at my high school who was rumored to have had a mutual pubic hair shaving episode with her boyfriend. We used to call them Mr. and Mrs. Gillette behind their backs.

But now, I fall into the live and let live category. I have too much else to worry about at work to notice your bush -- unless it REALLY gets in my way. But a lot of my coworkers feel that grooming is very important. Before you go into labor, they think you should get a pedicure and a Brazilian. Nonsense! But do try to wash up first...