Blue Eyes Lying and Insane

Once I was a telemarketer.

I didn't call people at home, very much.

I called high schools and offered them some free plastic cups with their mascot on one side and the name of a business sponsor on the other -- the business sponsor would pay for the cups, of course. I would pump the principal or coach for leads and then call away. One woman in the office, Mavis, was responsible for handing out the high school info sheets. She got them out of some book that anyone could probably buy on the internet today -- but this was the 80s and that book gave Mavis power -- power that corrupted. It was common knowledge around the office that Mavis was going blind at a rather alarming rate, but because she was such a bitch, no one was close enough to her to have the details.

One day I found a new high school info sheet in my inbox. It was from "Whitehore High School."
I called Mavis instantly.

Are you sure this is correct? White Whore High School?

All sheets are triple-checked before they are handed out to the sales associates, she replied.

Mavis, say it to yourself. White Whore? Who would name a high school that? Are you positive? Would you just look again?

Mavis was unsympathetic and refused to check. I put it off as long as I could. Finally, I had no more calls to make about anything else and I had to call White Whore HS.

The school was on a reservation. The principal sounded like the most laid back human on the face of the earth. I went through my entire page-long pitch.

The cups would be blue and white. On one side, we would have a picture of the White Whore Tigers....This would be an excellent fund raising project for White Whore High School...

I said White Whore to this guy, maybe, fifty times.

Finally I finish my pitch.

Silence.

Then...

I think you may have the name of our school written down wrong, it's Whitehorse.

F U C K ! !

But he didn't hold it against me, and I got the contract.

One thing that I didn't mention about Mavis: she didn't have eyebrows. So everyday she drew them on. Because her eyesight was faltering, she didn't always get the placement just right. Sometimes she looked angry, sometimes sad, sometimes incredulous. And then, one day, she grabbed her eyeliner pencil instead of her eyebrow pencil. And she came to work with blue eyebrows.

If she had been a little nicer about the whole White Whore thing, I would've told her.